Love and Loss in Boston

April 15, 2013 — 11 Comments

Very sad today after the bombings at the Boston Marathon. That sort of numb, pit-of-the-stomach icky sadness like after 9/11. If you grew up here, the marathon isn’t a race. The marathon IS Boston! You know all the folklore. Like Rosie Ruiz hopping the T and jumping off later to come out of nowhere and “win” the race. Like the infamous “Run for the Hoses” when the April spring temps soared into the 80s. Or the humbling strength of Dick Hoyt pushing his adult son with cerebral palsy in a wheelchair — this year for their 31st time! And of course, the infamous Heartbreak Hill.

Only today was a different kind of heartbreak.

Marathon Monday is special, it’s sacred. It’s Patriots Day, a state holiday marking “the shot heard round the world” in 1775 that began the war that resulted in America. The city’s famous swan boats are back in the Public Garden pond, the magnolias are blooming along Commonwealth Ave, and it feels like spring is really, finally here. And thousands of runners, family and friends come from all over to enjoy one of the world’s most famous marathons, run for 117 years. On Marathon Monday, everyone in the city is a Bostonian.

And a mindless, cowardly, violent act of terror cut right into the soul of this day. With several dead and many injured. I have stood in that exact spot  — at that exact time — in past years. It’s inspiring to see the throngs of “everyday” runners coming down the street for those last few hundred yards, grinning, sprinting, struggling, striving to complete the unfathomable goal of running 26 miles. And it’s the only spot where non-credentialed people can see runners cross the finish line. I’ve been right there so many times. If I didn’t have a big work project I might have been there today.

As always, I watched the entire race on TV today, marveling at the strategy, rooting for an American man or woman to win and cursing those Kenyans and Ethiopians who always win — but in the end cheering them because they are our racers, too. We adopt them as our own and they embrace the city in kind. Then I flipped off the TV and finally sat down to work.

When my phone chimed in the late afternoon, I figured it was Mtuseni. We hadn’t talked all weekend. We were at another sticky point and I didn’t feel like engaging, though I had sent him a photo from the Boston website in the morning showing a South African couple here to run the marathon. Instead, the message was from a friend in the UK, saying, “Please tell me you’re not in the center of downtown now.” I thought to myself, “Uh-oh.” I went online, saw the news, and immediately felt sick. Not today. Not the Marathon. Not us.

I texted her back and said I wasn’t in town and was fine. Then, realizing that Mtuseni might wake up tomorrow and hear about the story and worry, I texted him saying there was a bombing but that I was okay. Being six hours ahead, I expected him to be asleep. But he immediately texted back “Are u serious?”

So Mtuseni and I chatted about the bombs and violence and terrorism. Him in his settlement shack at risk of the elements and worse, and me in my no-longer-risk-free city. I told him that a local newsman said he felt heartsick — a perfect word — and had to explain what it meant. As he said, “WTF is going on people finding pleasure in killing people?” Indeed. And he asked to confirm several times “but you’re okay and safe at home, right?” The same sentiments as those shared today by runners and spectators and family and friends — only this was with my new “son” half a world away. And I assured him I was fine and, as I have many times, said I love him… and that he should go back to sleep.

It feels like a new/old world here again, like after 9/11. Being vulnerable. Anticipating more security checkpoints. Feeling violated and a loss of innocence, yet at the same time a steely resilience. Everything can change in an instant. It can be a car crash, an errant blood clot, a bomb. The lesson that can be carved out of this madness is to be fully present and alive in each moment, and to make sure the people you love know it — whether they are in bed next to you or on the other end of the earth.

And I hope to be cheering at the marathon finish line next year. Whoever did this, you can’t break Boston. We won’t let you. See you in the Back Bay on Patriots’ Day 2014.

ocean+Cape Town+ Cliffs BeachNEW in May 2014!!

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11 responses to Love and Loss in Boston

    Jennifer Dhillon April 16, 2013 at 12:17 am

    That needs to be reblogged and tweeted everywhere. I would if I had a blog and could figure out my twitter account. I might do it as an exercise to start using my twitter account.

    Really well written. It made me tear up.



    So beautifully written – I have goosebumps all over … and a little lump in my throat.



      Thanks Jacquie. People who aren’t from Boston don’t truly understand what Marathon and Patriots Day are here. Although I think people who travel here to run the marathon get it.
      Attacking us on this day went right for the heart, it was like our twin towers — only not a physical structure but a idea and an ideal… and perhaps more psychically damaging because of it.
      Tough day today. Sort of a numb shock and grief.



    Wow, thanks for this encouraging post!!!!Really thinking of you guys there. What a senseless act of horror. If you do not mind, I would love to give your excellent blog some more exposure through nominating it for the Liebster Award. Read all about it on my blog



      Thanks for your support, Christiane. Boston is a special and beloved city in the US, and it’s good to see that sentiment coming from people around the world. Reading stories of so many visiting marathoners who say they’ll be back next year.

      Feel free to nominate my blog. Beyond the current Boston angle, I’m sharing the story of a life-changing connection between two people from very different worlds — and hopefully inspiring others to explore similar experiences.

      I saw a great quote yesterday on another blog addressing the bombing. It’s a good sentiment for us all to remember:

      “You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” – Mahatma Gandhi



        Thanks for the reply! Maybe this blog reward thingy is a bit phony since it’s more a blogger-to-blogger recognition, but it gives ones blog exposure beyond the usual crowd and I think your story is an extraordinary one! Blessings from South Africa, C.



    Thanks for this post!


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